Renew
by SeSeesaw
Summary: Some decisions are made and some are undone. sequel to homeward


**Renew**

By Seesaw

DISCLAIMER: Stargate SG-1 and its characters are the property of Showtime/Viacom, MGM/UA, Double Secret Productions, and Gekko Productions. This was written for entertainment purposes only and no money whatsoever has exchanged hands. No copyright infringement is intended. The original characters, situations, and story are the property of the authors. Not to be archived without permission of the author.

PAIRING: Sam/Jack

SEQUEL: 1)Onward and Upward, 2)Forward and back 3)Homeward

AUTHORS NOTES: Want to thank any and all for the feedback and especially Karrie-Beth and Katianna for all their hard work at betaing. Hope you like this part.----is for flashbacks. You'll have to forgive my complete lack of knowledge about head injuries.

&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&

He should have seen this coming; his life couldn't be this good if past experience meant anything. And life had been very, very good. He and Sam and most of the team had moved to a little farming planet called Uile. Everyone apart from Ryan, who with some of his idiotic friends, had gone off to quote 'fight the good fight' end quote, Ben figured an idiot like that would be dead by now. But they were happy on Uile. It was a small settlement, with basically no technology at all and he loved it. They had spent the first couple of months here building new houses in which to live. Currently him, Sam and Dr. Larson lived together. Summer time had come around and everyone went out to the fields to work on the crops.

He loved the physical labour; it was such a simple life. No fighting, no blood, no death. Everyone had agreed that there would be no more travelling through the Stargate. The villagers had no way to defend themselves against any attack and they did not have the luxury of moving if they were discovered. So, slowly they had all settled into a quite life. He would work all morning in the fields with Sam and the others and then she would go off with Dr. Larson to teach the children. Evening meal was a communal gathering and sharing of food, with much laughter and swapping of stories. He would slip away early with Sam and they would take an evening walk. Those times were his favourite. Holding her warm hand in his as he listened to her talk. Seeing a smile light up her whole face and sparkle in her eyes but it had not lasted that long. Slowly he saw changes in Sam. She became increasingly more and more restless; applying herself to projects at such a ferocious rate that he found her on more then one occasion slumped over the object she was working on deep in sleep.

And as the days past and he saw less and less of her he began to realise something. Sam didn't love him; well she did love him but not the way he loved her. He knew she didn't love him like that because surely if she did this life would be enough, she wouldn't constantly need to be distracted by anything she could think of. Initially he was hurt and angry; he avoided her, argued with her, blamed her but to no avail. He still cared for her and as he slowly lost his anger towards her he became aware of her sadness. He watched her as she tried to fit in, saw the looks the local people gave her when she tried to explain the science behind her ideas. He tried to make it better, brought her flowers, made her food from Earth with a few improvisations with some of the ingredients. And she would smile, and kiss him sweetly on the lips but he could see the sadness in her eyes. She wasn't happy here and he had an inkling that it may have something to do with the conversation with Colonel O'Neill before they left Earth for good.

She was quiet for days after that but he was so caught up with moving to a new planet and fitting in that he had put it down to nerves. He should have known better then that, Sam Carter very rarely suffered from nerves. Now he was faced with a decision. A decision that he didn't actually find that hard to make, much to the horror of Dr. Larson. That was why they were in the middle of a blazing row at the moment,

"You can't honestly do this!"

"Do you want her to die? Do you? Because if we don't do something for her she will die."

"But she made her choice, she belongs here with us. Let her die here with us."

"She wasn't happy here, not truly happy."

"Of course she was, she had you….."

"Don't Doc. You know as well as I do how she really felt. She could never love me no matter how hard she tried."

The last of his words were whispered and the doctor made no contradiction to his statement.

"I don't want to lose her Doc. But she deserves to be happy and I can't stand to watch her die."

A moan from the corner drew their attention away from their heated words. Sam stirred in her sleep but did not wake. To be honest she wasn't sleeping she had been unconscious for 3 days now. About two weeks back Sam had blacked out. Since her headaches didn't make a return Ben had simply put it down to over work and lack of eating. But then 2 days later he had been unable to wake her one morning for over an hour and it had scared him stiff. She reluctantly admitted that she had blown off a couple of check ups by leaving Earth so quickly, Janet it seemed was worried about complications after having such a serious concision. She was apparently right because since that Sam's health had steadily declined, she lost consciousness regularly, couldn't keep food down. As he lay awake at night by her side he would watch her mutter in her sleep, her face covered in sweat.

"I have to do this Doc. You know I have to."

"She'll be put in prison if we send her back."

"She'll live though."

Unable to stand the sight of Sam in so much pain he left the building he now called home and made his was to the outskirts of the village. He quickly found the small cave where the little they had brought with them from their old lives was stored. Rooting through 3 backpacks he finally found what he was looking for, a print out of information from the SGC. It took 10 minutes but he finally found the mission list for all SG team missions. Usually not a very reliable source since many mission got scraped or were short lived but someone had the bright idea to print off all planned archaeological missions which rarely got cancelled.

Ben scanned through the list and was very near the end when he finally came across a mission that coincided with that day's date. He signed with relief, a few more days and it would be too late to help her. Quickly memorising the gate address he made his way to the fields to find Johnson to help him. The young man in question was standing shirtless in the warm summer sun drinking as much water as he could in as little time as possible.

"Johnson!"

He turned to look at Ben spilling water all down his chest. He grinned in embarrassment and greeted him,

"Hey Ben, what's up?"

"I need your help, could you grab two zats and meet me back in my place in 10? We're going on a little trip."

Johnson's eyes went wide in surprise but he didn't question Ben.

"Sure thing, I'll be there."

Ben continued on his journey trusting Johnson to do what he asked with as little trouble as possible. He made his way over to the 'healers' house. Knocking on the door of the old man's house he waited but when no reply came he pushed the door open and entered. The house was still and he presumed that its owner was out. Not really caring that he was stealing he grabbed the stretcher that was stored behind the door and quickly made his way back to his home. Johnson was already there and he followed him into the house apparently already knowing what Ben had planned. They quickly transferred Sam to the stretcher, she seemed unaware of what was happening. Ben turned to the Doc, tears shone in her eyes and in as gentle a voice as he could muster he asked her,

"You want to say goodbye?"

She nodded and knelt down by Sam's side picking up her limp hand. She said no words as she stared down at her still friend. Placing a kiss on Sam's knuckles she released her hand and stood. Tears made their way down her cheeks and Ben gathered her in his arms for a minute.

"I'll be OK." a muffled voice from his shoulder told him and he let her go.

"I'll see you in a bit Doc."

Grabbing a hold of the front of the stretcher he waited for Johnson to mimic him before they stood in unison and lifted Sam off the ground. They made their way to the gate in silence neither feeling the need to fill the moment with words. Johnson must have put word around that Sam was leaving because as they approached the gate a small gathering of people came into view. Sam's friends and some of the children she taught stood by the gate. As Sam was placed on the ground while Ben dialled up the gate they made their way over to her showering her with blessings and wishes for her good health and happiness. Ben ignored them all, focused purely on his task, he once again pick up the stretcher and made his way to the Stargate.

&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&

"Fascinating, just fascinating." Jonas was temporarily reassigned to Sg-12, an archaeological team, while Colonel Thomas recovered from a sprained ankle and he was very glad he got to see this planet. They had found the ruins of what appeared to an ancient Chinese settlement , which for once was quite close to the gate. There was no civilisation, however much of the buildings remained intact and it was just fascinating. Of course since technically he wasn't an archaeologist, he was given most of the mule work like packing artefacts or reporting to General Hammond on their progress but he didn't really mind. He was in fact on his was to the gate now to ask General Hammond if the team could extend their stay by an extra day in order to finish the survey of the area. He had just reached the clearing where the Stargate was located when he heard the familiar sound of chevrons locking. Grabbing his radio he quickly dived for cover,

"Colonel Walsh"

This was the man who was begrudgingly babysitting the scientists,

"What Jonas?"

His very bored voice crackled loudly over the radio making Jonas wince in fear that the new arrivals would hear,

"Someone just came through the Stargate.

"Who?" The colonel snapped obviously not pleased with this new development. Jonas squinted at the figures that now stood along side the DHD. He couldn't make much out about them except,

"Don't know but they don't look like Jaffa."

"Stay put and stay hidden I'll make my way to you."

And as good as his word Walsh appeared next to him a moment later.

"Well?" The colonel asked.

"They're just standing there like they're waiting for something."

The Colonel peered through his binoculars,

"They're human alright, one of them is on the ground. Injured it seems."

"Maybe we should talk to them" Jonas suggested. The Colonel glared at him.

"Fine do you have any other suggestions?" Jonas snapped, unhappy with being treated like an idiot.

Since no reply came Jonas stood up and dusted himself off. He cautiously made his way out of the cover and to the Stargate. He was glad to see that neither men raised a weapon as he approached. Lifting a hand to shield his eyes from the glaring sun, he was struck by a thought. I know this man. Major Ben Doyle, this was the man he had seen Sam with all those months ago.

Sam, she had to be near by. He picked up the pace and was about to interrogate the man in question when his eyes were drawn to the figure on the ground. He stopped in tracks. This pale and sickly figure was a women he once knew. Sam Carter lay motionless at his feet, her face covered in a sheen of sweat. If it wasn't for the flutter of her eyelids he wouldn't have known if she was alive. He turned on Major Doyle and anger flashed trough him,

"What have you done to her?"

Major Doyle didn't seem intimidated in the slightest.

"She's sick. We don't know what's wrong. Complications from her previous head trauma most likely."

Jonas blinked, he sounded so cold, so clinical and this was the man Sam left Jack for. Before he had time to show Major Doyle how many Earth insults he had picked up Colonel Walsh interrupted him.

"Who the hell are you?"

Ben shifted his eyes from Jonas and refocused on Walsh.

"Former Major Ben Doyle of the US Airforce."

"Yeah well want the hell do you want?"

"Major Carter needs your help."

"As far as I know the former Major Carter is no longer the SGC's problem."

Two pairs of angry eyes now focused on Walsh.

"She will die if she doesn't get help soon."

"We're bringing her with us." Jonas stated firmly.

"And just who made you the commanding officer?"

"If you think there's a chance in hell I'm leaving Sam here to die you have another thing coming."

"Major Carter left the service of the SGC and I am under no obligation to take her with us."

"That maybe so Colonel Walsh but you can have the honours of telling General Hammond why you left her behind."

"Jonas…"

But he remained undeterred, simply crossing his arms across his chest in an act of defiance.

"Fine, we'll take her with us, but you're taking the rap for this Jonas."

Jonas turned back to Ben and nodded to him, his cool façade was obliviously just that a front.

"Come on we'll bring her back for Doc. Fraiser to look at."

"I'm not going with you."

"What?" that was not what Jonas expected. "Why not?"

"I can't, my life isn't there any more."

"But what about Sam I thought you and her….."

"I'm not what she needs any more, don't think I ever really was."

He turned his back on Jonas then ending the conversation and bent down next to Sam. Jonas watched as he brushed the hair from her forehead and kissed her softly. Sam stirred from her slumber and mumbled

"Jack."

Jonas saw the flash of pain cross Ben's face. Apparently Ben was right about Sam not wanting him any more.

"No baby, it's me Ben."

She didn't seem to hear him at all,

"It's bright, my head hurts."

"I know Sammie just close your eyes and when you wake up you'll feel much better."

Sam complied by slipping back to sleep and Ben stood again. Turning to his silent comrade he nodded and watched as he dialled up an unfamiliar address.

"I have to go. Take care of her."

"You're going, just like that."

"There's nothing else I can do for her anymore."

He turned, pain clearly shone in his eyes.

"Tell her I did what was best. She'll understand in time."

Jonas had nothing more to add and nothing else to do then watch him leave. The wormhole engaged and Walsh grumbled at him.

"Let's do this then or do you want to stand around scratching your ass."

Jonas really didn't like this man but didn't bother complaining. He had to get home.

&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&

Janet sat at her office desk and stared at the rather large pile of paper work balanced on it. She really didn't want to start but there was nothing else to do. There wasn't even a hurt Sg team, which was just plain suspicious if you asked her.

"Medical team to the gate room. Medical team to the medical room."

She knew it! Grabbing her stethoscope and running out the door, closely followed by the rest of the med. team and a trolley, she made her way to the gate room as quick as possible. Upon her arrival she was shocked to see the amount of people in the room but she just shoved her way to where Jonas and Colonel Walsh were standing at the end of the ramp. Finally reaching them she was shocked momentarily to see the still figure at their feet. A ghost of the vibrant woman she once knew confronted her. Shaking off the shock she moved forward, slipping into doctor mode. Feeling for a pulse, her breath caught as she found nothing.

"How long since she stopped breathing Jonas?"

His face paled and he mumbled,

"Stopped breathing…."

"I'll take it not long."

Shouting orders to her team, Sam was quickly transferred to the trolley with Janet knelling above her pounding on her chest in the hope of keeping her heart beating. Arriving back at the infirmary Janet managed to resuscitate Sam. After many injections and tests were carried out it was clear to Janet that Sam needed surgery and now. Her C.A.T scan showed massive amounts of trauma and there was little she could do without cutting her open. General Hammond was a smart man and the chief specialist on brain surgery was on his way to the S.G.C even before she had made the request. Sam was prepped and ready to go when the Dr. Marx arrived, as well as Janet and half of her staff.

After many hours in surgery Janet re-emerged from the operating theatre to speak to the members of Sg-1. General Hammond was also pacing near by. Janet took a deep breath,

"She's alive but in a coma. There was substantial damage from her former head trauma, Doctor Marx did all he could but there's nothing else that can be done."

She turned to the General,

"Sir maybe if we could get Jacob here. The longer she stays in a coma the more her brain function will degrade."

The General nodded once and then left. The remainder of Sam's former team remained seated in silence, the situation sounding all too familiar to the last time Sam was home. Janet knew that they probably didn't know just how much more severe it was this time around but she had no time for them. She was so tired, both emotionally and physically. She left them to change out of her scrubs and get some sleep. Her friend would need her to be alert if she ever woke up again. Janet would be ready when Sam awoke, she had to believe that day would come.

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G.D.O held tightly in his hand Jacob ran to the ring transporter that would bring him to the surface of the current planet that the Tok'ra were hiding on. He came to halt just above the rings and a bright light engulfed him as they activated. On the surface he once again resumed his quick jog, the Stargate his destination this time. Reaching the DHD he punched in Earth's address and shifted from one foot to the other as he waited for the wormhole to form.

He had just returned from an undercover mission and still wore his torn uniform. In the end he had fought his way out and on his return he was informed immediately that the Tau'ri had been in contact.

"Come on, come on." He muttered as the Stargate seemed to take an eternity to spin.

Sam was hurt again. Well not so much again as still. A week ago the Tok'ra had been contacted and told that Sam was in a coma. God knows what had happened between then and now. She could be dead for all he knew. The Stargate burst into life but Jacob was too busy to appreciate the beauty of its shimmering colour as he tapped at the G.D.O before running through the event horizon. Seconds later he was standing on the ramp in the S.G.C. Ignoring the S.F's who's guns were currently trained on him, he demanded,

"Where is she?"

Daniel who stood a few meters away from him, nodded his head in the direction of the door and moved away. Jacob was at his side in a flash. Both men made their way to the infirmary in record time and in silence. Soon enough Jacob was standing in front of a curtained off bed. He held his breath as Janet drew back the curtain and his eyes fell on the body of his daughter. She didn't look ill. Her face was it's normal pale colour, no bruises marred its surface. She didn't seem uncomfortable or in pain at all, she was just very, very still. His eyes drew away from Sam's face and focused on Janet.

"She hasn't woken up since we found her. We've done all we can for her."

He looked back at Sam,

"Do you have a healing device?"

Janet nodded , said something to a nurse and a minute later Jacob felt the cold metal of the device pressed into his hand. Slipping the band over his knuckles he approached the bed and stopped next to Sam's head. Raising his arms he allowed Selmac to take control. Both man and symbiot focused intently, drowning out any distractions.

So focused were they on healing Sam that they didn't notice as four new men entered the infirmary. They were unaware as Janet and then Daniel began to argue with them. They didn't see General Hammond enter or the letter that was passed to him. In fact they only became aware of what was going on as they were shoved none too gently by an unknown man dressed in black. Jacob watched as this man grabbed Sam's arm and proceeded to handcuff Sam to the bed. Looking up he noticed another man doing the same to Sam's right arm.

"What the hell is going on?"

The four unknown men eyed he warily as General Hammond spoke,

"They have an arrest warrant for Major Carter."

He handed Jacob a slip of paper but he didn't read it.

"What the hell for?"

It seemed one of the men worked up enough courage to speak to him,

"Before her departure Major Carter was informed what would happen if she returned. She would have been arrested before this but we were unaware of her presence here." he shot a glare at the General.

His colleagues began to wheel Sam and the various medical equipment attached to her from the room but Jacob grabbed a firm hold on her bed.

"Where are you taking her?"

"She'll be transferred to a high security prison. She'll receive medical treatment before her sentencing."

Jacob's hand didn't budge. General Hammond came to stand next to him. He placed a comforting hand on his shoulder.

"Let her go Jake, we'll get her back."

Jacob had faith in his friends and these people Sam considered her family. Very reluctantly he removed his hand. All eyes were on the four men as they wheeled Sam out of the S.G.C.

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Pain, there was most definitely pain but it was bearable. Not like before, not like when she longed for death just to make it stop. Sam opened her eyes. White, everything was white. An unknown and rather blurry head passed into her line of vision.

"How do you feel?"

The voice was cold and insincere and its owner did not wait for her to answer. A bright light, which she presumed was from a small torch, was flashed briefly into each eye. Her mind whirled in confusion, surely she couldn't be dead. When she thought of death she never thought of it as a white room with impersonal staff, but then again she could just be plain wrong. Needing her curiosity to be satisfied she managed to get her next words out.

"Where am I?" she swallowed but her mouth remained as dry as a dessert. She really wanted a drink.

"You're in prison."

The voice sounded impatient but she didn't care.

"In prison! On earth."

She heard a loud sigh.

"Yes, prison Major Carter. I am told that you were informed of these consequences before you left."

"But I was on Uile, I was dying."

"Well you can thank your father for your survival, as for you return I don't know the details."

It was also very obvious that he didn't want to know them either. She heard a folder being firmly shut and the click of shoes on hard floor. The click of keys and the sound of metal on metal were the next sounds she heard but Sam's mind was once again slipping back into darkness and she welcomed it.

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Not for the first time Daniel cursed the military under his breathe. Once again the metal detector was swept over his body, God next they'd be doing a full cavity search. He shuddered at the thought. He was currently going through the LONG and tedious process of gaining access to some God awful military prison. Sam was here somewhere, alone and Daniel really wanted to see her. Apparently she had awoken from her coma 15 days ago, thank God for Tok'ra technology.

However it seemed someone had 'forgotten' to inform the SGC of this and no one had seen her yet. Daniel had flat out refused to let anyone else go so he now stood in a white room with a door of bars and waited for the two rather burly guards to admit him access. After another 5 minuets of checking over his credentials he was finally told, rather gruffly to "follow me". He followed, walking to an elevator which brought him down two floors and into an identical room to the one he just left. The guard removed a swipe card from his pocket and used it to open a large metal door. Nodding his head in the direction of the next room the guard said,

"She's in there."

Daniel took a hesitant step into the next room and the door shut behind him. He was in another white room (surprise, surprise). There was a single chair placed in front of a cell and sitting in the corner of the cell sat a figure. Sam sat on her bed, her back to the wall. Her knees were drawn up to her chest and Daniel couldn't see her face as it was buried in them. He could barely make out the words she said,

"What do you want now?"

She obviously didn't notice it was him who entered the room. Or at least he hoped she didn't notice it was him otherwise this was already going badly.

"Sam."

Her head snapped up and a huge grin engulfed her face.

"Daniel."

He returned her grin with one of his own and watched her as she stood and approached him.

"It's really, really good to see you."

She looked better. Hell she was awake, that was good enough for him. She was still thin but then again Sam was never going to be heavy. She had bags under her eyes from lack of sleep and the only reminder of her near fatal injury was the shaved spot on the back of her head that he could just make out. Even that had a new layer of blond fuzz growing on it.

"Not half as good to see you Sam. I would have been here sooner but we didn't know you were awake and then there was the whole thing about finding out where you were."

"It doesn't matter Daniel, I'd understand if you didn't come at all."

Daniel's grin faded,

"Why on earth would you think that Sam?"

She chuckled heartlessly,

"I haven't been the best friend to you over the past 2 years have I."

"O! Come on Sam, we love you we always will."

She ducked her head anf didn't reply.

"How are you Sam? You look tired."

"Pretty much good as new. Well apart from the new hair style."

She ran an embarrassed hand over where her hair once was.

"Haven't been sleeping too well, got a lot on my mind. Word on the street is I'm going to get the death sentence." She threw herself back on her bunk. "Kinda like the whole Maybourne thing, so thank Dad for the saving my life thing but he shouldn't have wasted his time."

Daniel was shocked, he never knew happy go lucky Sam to be so down, then again he'd never seen her in prison and facing the dead sentence before. He guessed he could understand.

"Come on Sam, you know that we'll never let that happen. There's far too many people who love you to let that happen."

She didn't say anything for a very long time and she didn't meet his eyes.

"Lets not talk about me Daniel. Tell me how you are. How Cassie and Janet are doing. What SG-1 has been up to." She paused and then in a quieter voice "How Jack and Mike are doing."

Daniel grinned a little to himself. Some things never changed, Sam would always put her friends before herself.

"Janet and Cassie are at war, Cassie thinks she's in love. Janet is NOT pleased."

Sam let out a giggle, music to Daniel's ears.

"I remember that fight. I taught Dad was going to explode at one point."

Daniel could well imagine it. He was a first hand witness to just how worried Jacob got when his daughter was in trouble. If he hadn't worn a hole in the floor of the debriefing room by the time he got back the place could be declared indestructible.

"I would need a much longer time to tell you everything that SG-1 has done since you left."

Plus he wasn't so sure that she had clearance for that anymore.

"I probably don't even have clearance to know anyway."

Damn but she knew him too well. From the corner of his eye Daniel caught movement through the small window of the door. His time must nearly be up.

"We're trying everything we can Sam, we'll get you out of her."

"Thank you Daniel. I'm sorry I haven't been there for you in a while."

The door behind him slid open and Daniel stood.

"I'm sorry Sam."

She frowned at that,

"What for?"

"I should have hugged you when I… ah… came back."

"Daniel you don't…"

"We miss you Sam, all of us. Even Jack, he misses you so bad he can't even bear to talk about you."

"Daniel I don't think that's why he doesn't…… "

"We'll get you out of here Sam, you know that right."

He stared at her intently trying to express his conviction through his eyes.

"You gonna let me answer without interrupting me."

He grinned and then nodded,

"Good cos' other wise I'd have to re-teach you some manners when I get out of here."

A none to subtle cough from behind him told him it was time to go.

"I'll come back next week, they won't let come any sooner."

"Send everyone my love Daniel."

He knew she was well and hoped he had given her some faith so he reluctantly began to move. His parting shot as he left made a smile break out on Sam's face,

"Everyone already knows Sam."

&&&&&&&&&&&&&&

Although over thinking was not something Sam was unfamiliar with she rarely thought so much about herself. Prison gave her far too much time on her hands and nothing to focus her mind on. With only one visit permitted per week Sam had quickly run out of things to keep her mind off of her predicament. How in the hell had her life ended up like this? She was Major Samantha Carter, ambitious, intelligent, practical, dependable, reasonable and a whole lot of other words ending in able.

But she wasn't a Major any more was she; she had been dishonourably discharged on her return to earth and as for sensible she was up for high treason against the Untied States of America, her former employer. And all of this stemmed from making idiotic choices. She wondered if she could plea temporary insanity. She sprawled herself across her small hard bed. She knew now of course she should have stayed with Jack but then hindsight was a marvellous thing. The irony was that if she hadn't denied her feelings on this occasion like military protocol directed she wouldn't be in this mess she was in. Once again her mind played the scene over in the head.

----------------------------

"Give me a second Ben, OK?"

"Sure Sam but make it quick."

Then she faced Jack. He showed no emotions obliviously predicting her coarse of action. Stepping forward she took his hand in hers. It was large and warm, honest hard working hands.

"I can't stay Jack, these people only have each other. You have a family now, you'll be OK."

He stared at her; it felt like he was starting into her.

"Do you love him?"

Sam hesitated before answering "Not yet."

"Do you love me?"

There was no hesitation this time.

"I'll always love you Jack, nothing will change that."

Confusion clouded his eyes, his question clearly written in their depths.

"I can't stay to be your second best Jack." He made a move to speak, to deny the claim most likely but she silenced him with a finger to his lips. "You'd never be saying any of this Jack if it wasn't for the circumstances."

She knew he couldn't deny that, they spent years tiptoeing around each other and only her imminent departure had led them to this and now it was time to go. She took a step back, but Jack held firm to her hand. His eyes pleading. She lifted the other hand and brushed her fingers lightly through the hair at his temples. Taking a picture of him to keep with her. Placing a gentle and bittersweet kiss to his lips she whispered,

"Goodbye Jack."

And with that she swiftly pulled out of his reach, turned her back and left. She didn't look back, she couldn't look at the life she was sacrificing, she couldn't bear more heartache.

-----------------------------

It wasn't completely true that she denied her feelings, she just gave in to the ones that happened to fit in with her training. She had been scared, terrified even. Before her stood a man who could crush her with one sentence and he was offering himself to her. It could have been different but Sam's hurt had turned to anger. The pain of sitting at his wedding, watching him stare into Nicole's eyes, as Daniel squeezed her hand in silent support, was still fresh in her memory. And the hurt had grown deeper and more bitter every time she saw them together, him and his new family. So instead of seeing the man she loved reciprocating her feelings she saw a man she had given her heart to and who had used it to betray and hurt her.

So she ran as far away as any woman could to a man who promised to never leave her. It was all clear now to her but now was too late. Now was a prison cell and from the information Daniel had given her on his weekly visits, Jack wouldn't even speak her name. Daniel claimed it was because he missed her so much but she thought different, she thought it was because he no longer cared. His anger, proven by the fact that he had resigned completely from the SGC shortly after she left. Any memory of her was obviously a bad one. The life she once knew was destroyed there was no doubt about it.

Everything she once had here on earth was gone or damaged. She would have to start again but this time she would not run just because she was scared. If she ever got out of this cell she would make it up to all of them. She would apologise, be a better friend. She had betrayed them and yet they still fought for her and they deserved better then she had given them of late. She would work harder too if she was given the chance, repay the wrong she had done, give the information she had collected when she was on her Ops. Mission.

And what of Jack? She thought long and hard about him. She left him behind, the most heinous crime she could ever commit and it was unlikely she would receive his forgiveness but then she didn't believe she deserved it. She wished she knew if he was happy though, he did deserve that much. It was this thought that occupied her the most. She would not ask to be part of his life again but it would be difficult to start her new and less selfish life without knowing that he was happy. She took a deep breathe and closed her eyes. First things first, she had to get out of this cell.

&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&

Something had to be done. Jonas sat at the table in the debriefing room. Around him sat Daniel, Teal'c, Janet, General Hammond and Jacob Carter. All were silent, they had run out of ideas to help Sam. Or at least they had run out of legal ideas to help Sam. Jonas stared at the table in front of him and thought of Sam in a cell alone. He had not known Sam all that well really, not compared to the others. He only knew her for a year and still the thought of her alone left him desolated. He didn't want to imagine how they felt. He didn't want to suggest this either and he knew he couldn't be the first one to think of this. It was obvious to everyone it was just that they didn't want to say it. Someone had to say it and it might as well be him.

"We could ask Jack to help." he timidly put forward. The silence remained but now all eyes were turned on him. "I mean he knows a lot of people, right. Unless someone has another suggestion."

"Yeah he knows people Jonas but in case you didn't notice Sam hasn't been a big topic of conversation with him." Daniel argued.

"I know that Daniel but he still cares for her. I mean he wouldn't get so upset when we talked about her if he didn't feel anything."

He knew he was right, they had this conversation more then once before.

"I don't know Jonas, he probably won't even anyone ask the question out."

"I believe that there would be no harm in trying Daniel Jackson." Well thank God someone decided to back him up.

Daniel turned to Teal'c but before he got to retaliate the General interrupted.

"He's right Dr. Jackson we could use Jack's help on this. Make the call."

Daniel's jaw hung open,

"Me, you want me to ask him."

"I think this would be best coming from you Daniel."

The use of his first name was not missed by him and as he looked around at the other occupants of the room Jonas saw the resignation in his eyes.

"Alright I'll try but don't be surprised if I get nothing."

Good, Jonas was pleased that had been resolved. One of the reasons why he was willing to voice the suggestion that no one else was, was because he knew that he would never be asked to speak to Jack. They were never that close as friends. Glad to once again having a plan of action, even a bad one, the occupants of the room prepared to leave. Daniel lingered but Jonas didn't stay to talk to him, he figured it was best to be as far away as possible when Daniel made his phone call, harsh words were sure to be exchanged.

&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&

"Jack!"

"Hey Daniel, what's up?"

"Well ah…"

"What do you want Daniel?

Damn could everyone read him like a book?

"It's just that Sam…."

"Oh no. What ever it is I don't want to know. I've had it up to here with that woman."

"But you don't understand she…"

"No Daniel she made her bed. Let her lie in it."

"Will you please let me finish a sentence!" God this man was infuriating.

"No Daniel she choose what side she was on and she can stay there."

That was it, the straw that broke his back as it were. He was fed up with Jack wallowing in self-pity, making himself out to the martyr like he never did a thing wrong.

"You mean she didn't choose you so now you don't care."

"Daniel…"

There was a warning tone in his voice but Daniel was long past caring.

"Well I hate to break this to you Jack but she didn't leave you she was following your led. YOU married another woman AND you started a family with her. Do you have any idea how hard that was for her? To sit at your wedding and see you vow your love and life to someone else. So yeah maybe she did hurt you and yeah maybe she did leave but it's nothing that you didn't do to her. It's not like we ever gave her a reason to stay. We failed her once Jack and I'll be damned if I fail her again, you do what ever the hell you want."

And with that Daniel slammed down the phone.

&&&&&&&&&&&&

Jacob was about to do something that he wasn't supposed to, he was going to lie to the American government. Something he didn't greatly enjoy doing but he was too mad to think of the consequences. He had just finished speaking to the Head of the Tok'ra council. They, as he guessed they would, refused him his request but no one at the SGC knew that……. unless some of the techs suddenly learnt to speak Gou'ald. Hell he was one of the oldest and wisest Tok'ra, they would take him at face value.

He marched his way back to the debriefing room, his back ramrod straight, a manifestation of his inability to relax since this whole fiasco started. They owed his Sammie so much and it was about time they paid up. He rounded the corner and stormed into the room. Three pairs of eyes focussed on him. General Hammond, Paul Davis and some stuck up representative form the White House. Allowing Selmac to take over (thank God she was in agreement with him on this) he began,

"I have spoken with the Head of the Tok'ra Council." He paused to make sure that he had everyone's full attention.

In fact he paused for so long General Hammond appeared to feel the need to prompt him.

"And?"

"The Tok'ra will cut off all ties with the Tauri if Major Carter is not released from her incarceration. She has contributed much to the fight against the Gou'ald and to the Tok'ra and this treatment of her is unacceptable."

He knew that the General would have his doubts that the Tok'ra would give such an order, Davis was probably suspicious too but this representative was new. He started when he initially heard Selmac's distorted voice and Jacob made his eyes glow for added effect now.

"Ah.. General.. hmm… Selmac. The president will be most unpleased to hear this, is there nothing that will change your position."

"No" Jacob had retaken control and the steely edge to his voice left no room for argument.

"If you'll excuse me I have a phone call to make."

As the man made his exit Daniel, Teal'c and Jonas filed into the room all with the same anxious look on their faces. Teal's was the first to speak,

"Have we advanced any further in our attempts to free Major Carter?"

"The Tok'ra have threatened to withdraw their alliance if we don't free her." The disbelief was clearly evident in Major Paul Davis' voice. Not that Jacob was all that surprised, everyone currently in the room knew the Tok'ra well enough to know they'd be willing to sacrifice the life of one for the greater good.

"Has Major Carter not saved the world on several different occasion?" Teal'c questioned Davis.

"Well yes she has but…"

"Then does she not deserve to go free?"

"Yes she does but you're asking me to lie to the President here. I can't in good conscience do that."

"If it were not for the actions of Major Carter over the past seven years you and all your family would now be enslaved by the Gou'ald." Teal'c's calm statement sent a shudder through the others in the room.

"We're not really asking you to lie, we're just asking you to refrain from influencing the President's representative in any way at all." Jones piped up.

Davis hummed. He was clearly not pleased but Jacob (with a little help from Selmac) was wise enough to know when he had won a battle.

"If this all goes wrong I knew nothing about it."

Everyone nodded their heads and Davis left the room with a rather disgruntled look about him.

"Will this honestly work Jacob?"

"It better had, there's not a chance in hell I'll let my daughter rot in prison for following orders. I'll break her out of there myself if I have too."

No one questioned him on whether he was joking or not.

&&&&&&&&&&&&&

She was free. She couldn't believe it. Sam blinked as she stepped out into the early summer sun and she couldn't help but turn her face towards it and let the rays warm her skin. She smiled, now this was the life.

"Sam."

A voice interrupted her sunning but she was not annoyed,

"Dad!"

He stood next to Daniel's old car a smile plastered on his face and without thought Sam ran to him and threw her arms around him. He held her tight as she fought back the tears that threatened to escape.

"Thank you some much Dad. Thank you."

She held him tighter if that was possible. He had come through for her, him and her friends and she didn't have the words to articulate her gratitude. She didn't know how they had done it and she didn't care, she was free. There was of course a down side to her freedom. She had not gotten off scott free, she was dishonourably from the airforce, a thought she had yet to process but one that would no doubt cause tears later on. For now she was just glad that she could feel the soft breeze through her hair. She was also very grateful that all her hair had now grown back. Nearly two months in prison made you appreciate the little things in life but it still didn't mean she cared for her hair any less. She wasn't a vain woman but she figured she'd give herself this small concession. Her father pulled back slightly and looked into her eyes.

"How would a steak dinner and a cold beer sound."

"Like heaven."

They untangled themselves from each other and Sam got into the passenger seat buckling herself in. Jacob started the engine and had quickly pulled away from the prison. Sam still had no idea where they were. She was unconscious when they brought her here but she didn't bother to ask. She didn't think she'd be coming back for a visit. A thought popped into her head as they turned onto a motorway.

"Dad?"

"Yeah Sammie."

She scolded at the nickname but didn't correct him.

"Do you still have a drivers licence."

He chuckled,

"Not technically but I got a free pass since it is a special occasion and all."

He caught her eye in the mirror and she giggled. Sam slouched down in her seat and made herself comfortable. They sat in silence as Sam watched the landscape whip by, her thoughts now firmly focused on the promised steak dinner that awaited her.

Sam was getting drunk. It wasn't that she was drinking a lot it was just that it had been a while since she had any alcohol and her tolerance was seriously low. All that meant was that after only 3 beers Sam was feeling a little fuzzy headed and really full from her steak meal. She looked across the crowded room and grinned, ignoring the ache in her jaw from doing so much of said action. They were all here, Janet, Cassie, Daniel, Jonas, Teal'c, Simmons. The list just went on and on. Everyone was just so kind telling her how much they had missed her. And to think she once tried to leave this all behind. She didn't understand herself sometimes.

General Hammond couldn't make it but she had received a phone call from him shortly after she had arrived. There was a sticky moment when he called her Major Carter but Sam just laughed it off and said she liked the sound of Doctor Carter better anyway. Not exactly true but it was less awkward. In fact the General had offered her a job in the labs of the SGC in a civilian capacity. He told her that they couldn't kick the leading expert on the Stargate off the program just because she had a criminal record. That had elicited a laugh out of Sam. She didn't think she had smiled and laughed in one day so much in her entire life. She didn't however take the General's offer up immediately and he seemed to understand. She needed time to think. She didn't want to be thrown back in the deep end straight away. She spotted Janet weaving her way through the crowd towards her. There was one thing Sam was sure of, she would not turn her back on these people again. Janet hugged her when she reached her. She was doing a lot of that tonight and she wasn't even drunk yet. Seeing the laughter in Sam's eyes she ducked her head and added,

"It's just good to have you home."

Sam wrapped the petite Doctor in her arms and laughed,

"It's good to be home."

They parted and each took a stool by the bar.

"So what did General Hammond have to say?"

Sam studied her friend closely. There was a twinkle in her eye, she must know that the General offered her a job. The woman had spies everywhere.

"I didn't tell him I'd take the job."

The twinkle left Janet's eyes and Sam quickly added,

"I'm not leaving again Jan I just don't want to rush things yet. I want to sort out my head first."

Janet seemed to take her answer in and she nodded her head in agreement,

"This is about Ben and Jack isn't it?"

She was right of course and Sam couldn't bare to deny it to her friend.

"I screwed up big time Janet and I want to be sure I don't do it again." The Doctor was quite as she allowed her continue. "I was really hurt the first time I heard that it was Ben who had sent me back. I kinda thought that if he loved me he would never let me go. I was wrong though, he did love me and so he did the best that he could for me. I was the one in the wrong, I couldn't give him the kind of love that he gave me, just another person I failed to add to the ever growing list."

They were both silent for a moment and Sam focused on the soft tune playing in the background.

"You know Sam that no one here thinks you failed them. In fact Daniel thinks that he failed you. I understand how he feels."

Sam looked at the sad face of her friend,

"You didn't fail me Janet. None of you did. Look at all you've done for me, saved my life and freed me from prison, how on earth do you think you failed me?"

"Why didn't you talk to me, to any of us? Why didn't you tell us you were going to leave, that you were so unhappy?"

Sam ducked her head in shame,

"I know I should have Janet but I was kinda depressed and I thought you wouldn't have the time for me. I know that's untrue, I do, I was just too unhappy at the time to realise it."

"It wasn't untrue Sam, not entirely. Everyone always expects you to be fine, to never need help, it's probably why Daniel never visited you when he was where ever the hell he was. Everyone sees you as so strong and I should have known better, I'm meant to be your friend."

Sam once again embraced her,

"It doesn't matter now Janet I'm home and I ain't going no where."

The doctor sniffed suspiciously and then hesitantly asked the question that Sam was waiting for all night,

"What are you going to do about Jack?"

"Nothing. I think he made his feelings about me clear to everyone."

"He was hurt Sam that's why he's acting like he is, I know if he saw you it would be different."

"Well I've no intention of showing up on his door step, I think I've had enough drama in my life to last several decades. If he really isn't happy with the way things are he knows where to find me."

"I wouldn't say he's happy Sam, even if he is he'd be a whole hell of a lot happier if you were in his life."

Sam wasn't convinced and waved the topic of discussion away with her hand.

"I'm going to head out of town for a little while. Time on my own. I might even visit my brother. And before you get all worked up I will DEFINITLEY be back and I won't miss my check up. That's one lesson I won't be forgetting soon."

Janet still didn't look sure and she didn't sound it either as she asked,

"You sure Sam?"

Sam nodded, she needed to get away for a little while but she had a lot to make up to her friends so it wouldn't be long before she returned. She placed her now empty beer bottle on the bar behind her and grabbed Janet's hand.

"Let's dance Janet I love this song!."

&&&&&&&&&&&&

This was a long day that sure as hell wasn't going any faster. He was on the return trip from his cabin, where he and Mike had spent 6 days happily playing in the dirt or spending time fishing even more unsuccessfully then usual. He'd stopped off at a little market in one of those one street towns about 40 miles outside Colorado. This was his usual stop when he made his trip home but when he usually made this pit stop it took less then 10 minutes to get the basics and get out. That was of course before he had Mike.

They were just rounding on their 30th minute in the supermarket and there was very little in his cart. This was mainly due to the fact that anything Mike could reach he promptly removed from the cart and dumped on the ground, so that Jack finally had to push everything to one side, out of reach. Now he had turned his attention to the items on the selves and Jack had to stoop yet again to pick up a tin of tuna which only moments ago Mike had dropped with a loud clang and squeal of delight. He'd never get to leave the store at this rate. Grabbing the side of the freezer cabinet he eased himself up, ignoring the familiar pain in his knees, when the sight before him stopped him dead. She looked pale, and if it was possible even thinner then usual. She stood with her back to him starting at a fresh soup display in the cold section. She was unaware of him as his eyes took in ever detail of her. A basket hung loosely from her hand, milk and bread it's only contents. Seeming to decide that soup wasn't for her she moved on. Jack followed parallel to her oblivious to Mike and the canned good that he swiped from a shelf. She walked slowly and without the poise and purpose he had become accustomed to. She quickly paid for her items and made her way to the exit. Unwilling to finish his spying yet Jack lifted Mike into his arms, pried the tin from his hands and quickly followed Sam, leaving his half-empty cart behind.

He squinted in the bright sunlight as he stepped out of the cool air conditioned market into the midday sun. Slipping on his sunglasses he looked around. Sam was standing by her very distinctive car (how had he missed that?) but instead of getting in she dumped her purchases into the back seat and continued up the road. Jack only ever stopped at the market and had no idea what the rest of the town was like and so he had no idea of Carter's destination. She was completely unaware of his presence even though Mike was exclaiming rather loudly that he could walk just fine himself Daddy. She was lost in a world of her own. She took a turn to her left when she reached the top of the road into the gates of a park. Jack stopped as she wandered down towards a small pond before dropping herself at the foot of a very large oak tree. His mind raced, what was she doing here? He knew something must have happened when Daniel had rung him but he had pushed all thoughts of Sam Carter out of his head just so he could make his life bearable and he didn't want to let her invade his mind again. But here she was on Earth, in small town America where he knew she didn't know anyone.

The likelihood that he would even run into her here seemed implausible but before he could decide on his next coarse of action Mike had wiggled free of his arms and was running as fast as his little legs could carry him towards the pond. Jack had no choice but to follow. He reached Mike before he made it to the water but now he was standing in Carter's line of vision. There was no way she wouldn't spot him,

"Colonel?"

Damn, it was never good when he right. Turning around slowly his eyes locked with hers and he managed a weak smile.

"Carter, fancy meeting you here."

She didn't look surprised to see him, in fact she looked as though meeting her former C.O in a small town outside Colorado was the most normal thing in the world. She made no response to his light-hearted remark and so he bent down and spoke quietly to his son.

"I'm going to talk to this lady for a minute, will you be good?"

Mike looked curiously over at Sam and in a loud whisper asked,

"Who is she?"

"Just someone Daddy used to work with."

Unsatisfied with this answer he pushed for more,

"But who?"

Jack paused a moment, not sure how to answer him but hesitated too long for Mike's liking. The small boy walked over to Sam and stuck out his chubby hand.

"My name is Mike O'Neill"

A smile twitched at Sam's mouth as she replied,

"I know we've meat before."

Mike looked confused as he placed his hands on his hips and demanded,

"When?"

"Oh… a while ago, you where only little then. You're a big boy now."

Mike looked very pleased at this comment and declared

"I'm brave too" before a dog distracted his attention and he wandered away.

While this was going on Jack had made his way over to where Sam sat and now he gingerly placed himself down beside her. They sat in silence for a moment watching Mike played with a young woman's dog before he was once again distracted and began chasing a bird.

"When did you get back?" he couldn't help but ask.

"A few months" her answer was vague and short but Jack didn't push her any further.

Silence once again descended as they both looked out across the pond. It was a beautiful day and in the gentle heat with only the rustling of the tree and the occasional giggle from Mike Jack would have sworn he was dreaming. Her next question surprised him,

"Are you happy Jack? With your life."

Once again Mike's playing caught his attention and he smiled.

"I'm happy."

From the corner of his eye he watched her. She looked relieved at his answer, like she had been waiting for it. Her calm demeanour was rather unsettling.

"Are you?"

She turned to look at him, confusion on her face.

"Are you happy Sam?"

A harsh chuckle escaped her lips,

"I've destroyed everything like I always do." She turned away from him, once again focussing on something in the distance. "I've betrayed my friends, hurt the only man I've ever truly loved…" That caught his attention but she continued on. "I've lost my job, I've no home, hell I even have a prison record and as for my health, Janet still can't understand how I'm alive."

She rubbed her hands across her face and into her hair, her despair filled him with sadness. His heart longed to pull her into his arms and comfort her but he crushed his desire, he wouldn't make that mistake again. Her next whispered words sent a chill through his very soul.

"Do you ever wish they never saved you?"

His head snapped around and he desperately tried to make eye contact to make sure she didn't mean what he thought she meant. That she couldn't possible want to die, that she didn't want to be saved. She refused to look at him though and before he could argue with her his son appeared in front of him.

"Daddy, there's a duck on the water. Come see, come see."

Mike jumped up and down with barely restrained impatience.

"Not now Mike I've got to…."

"No Dad come see before he goes." And with that Mike grabbed his hand attempted to pull him to his feet. Jack couldn't think straight, he couldn't comprehend what Sam had implied and being confronted by the thought of a duck just confused him even further.

"Go see the duck sir." Sam's despair seemingly gone, her calm façade once again in place.

Mike grinned at his triumph but still refused to release his father's hand. Jack glared at her before reluctantly getting to his feet and following his son. He stood at the pond's edge making the appropriate ohhhing and awing sounds his mind far from the swimming mammal. He couldn't have been gone more then 3 minutes but when he turned back Sam was gone. The tree under which they sat left no trace of her presence. Grabbing Mike's hand he hurried as quickly as he could with a 3 year old child back the way they came but by the time he made it back to the market her car was gone.

He looked for any sign of it but it appeared she was long gone and he had no idea where to even begin looking for her. He mentally chastised himself, he wasn't meant to be looking for her in the first place. Bundling a rather unhappy little boy into his car seat he made his way back to his home. For removing his son from the park earlier then he wished he paid the penance of listening to endless stories and questions all featuring ducks.

&&&&&&&&&&&&&

Sam couldn't believe it, what were the odds that she would meet Jack here. It had to be faith. She came here specifically because she didn't know anyone and it wasn't too far from home. It didn't make any difference though, she was glad she ran into him. She got to ask him the question that had plagued her for so long. He was happy. And why wouldn't he be with a gorgeous little son like that. Even the memory of him brought a smile to her face. For a moment there as he sat beside her and she felt her heart do the now familiar back flip she was swept with despair. She would have given anything to be his friend again. To have the friendly banter back. That was why she asked him if he wished he was never saved. By his alarmed reaction she shouldn't really have put it that way, it obviously didn't sound too good.

Sam had watched as Jack barrelled down the pretty street as fast as he could dragging his son behind him. He looked around wildly but Sam was not worried, she knew that he couldn't see her. Finally he returned to his truck and drove away. She watched as the truck grew smaller and smaller in the distance.

"Goodbye Jack" she spoke quietly to the disappearing vechile.

A man walking a dog by her gave her a puzzled look but didn't comment. Sam giggled. She didn't mean to say that out loud. It was time to go home and start anew. She picked up her mobile and dialled the SGC,

"General Hammond"

"Doctor Carter, it's good to hear from you."

"I was wondering sir if that job offer was still open." She could almost hear the General's smile.

"Of course doctor, of course. It'll be good to have you back."

"I'll start in the morning sir."

"The sooner the better Doctor. Come to my office when you get in."

"Thank you sir, for everything."

"My pleasure Sam, I'll see you tomorrow."

She hung up, the General's words warming her. She returned to the quaint B and B that she was staying in and was packed and ready to go in less then an hour. It was time to go home, and Sam was looking forward to it, with or without Jack in her life. Although she did concede it was mostly likely without.

&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&

Jack had made it home. Mike was asleep for the night, worn out by the travelling, and Jack was allowing himself the small indulgence of a beer. It had been a very strange day indeed. Seeing Carter out of the blue like that had thrown him for a loop, and her words still stung him deep.

"_Do you ever wish they never saved you?"_

Her appearance broke the routine of his life. The well planned out day had been destroyed and after Sam left it was only routine that kept the thoughts of her at bay. Everyday and every second was planned and accounted for, he either spent time with his son, tended the garden, even at night he would have a stack of videos ready to watch so that he always had something of interest to distract him. His mind never had time to think of her. Now he was faced with her in reality and she filled his mind. Her smile, her laugh, the way her brow creased when she was mad, the sound of her voice when she told him that her life was destroyed. And he wanted to know why she was here, how she got back, when the hell she'd been in prison. God did he want to know and yet he didn't want to know. This dilemma was why he was currently losing a staring contest with his phone. Daniel would give him answers but if he did this he would be letting her back in. Not only into his head but also back into his into his heart. But in his heart he knew the decision was already made. He dialled the number and waited as the phone rang.

"Daniel"

"Christ Jack, what time is it?" came a rather sleepy reply

"What happened?"

Various mumbles and a grunt indicated to Jack that Daniel was gathering his thoughts, a difficult thing for him to do without the aid of coffee.

"What are you on about Jack?"

"Sam. Tell me."

"I thought you didn't want to know" His anger clearly travelling down the phone line.

"Just tell me Daniel, I need to know. I need to find her."


End file.
